After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
