Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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