I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
