Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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