watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
