There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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