Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
