My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
