This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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