LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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