it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
