I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
