I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
