I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
