walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
