Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Can I color on your dick again?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
