Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
