I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
high people should be assigned attendants
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
