Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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