I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I would ride that face into the sunset
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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