Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
