she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
