Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
