When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
where are my eyebrows?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
