I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize