i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
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