here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
