i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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