im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Randomize
