I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
