ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
