Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
