New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
