I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
