i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
