Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
