so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
