mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Who died my cat blue again?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
