She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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