I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
