I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
