how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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