I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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