My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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