I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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