I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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