i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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