Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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