My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
