You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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