they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We need to get me chipped asap
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
