apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
