My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
