i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
