I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
