He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
