So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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