so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
