I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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