Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
