I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
