I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
